Today, just like all the rest, deep down, I want to be loved, just loved.
I want to be understood.
To belong somewhere, maybe even unto myself.
I fight, sometimes seemingly to the death, even with myself.
I want to rest, just to be still, to be present.
Struggles, I want these behind me.
Confidence often seems a mist ebbing and flowing, sometimes disappearing all together.
Often my reaction isn’t what it would have been, if played again.
Blows, I have taken many, some of the bruising with me today years and decades after the fact.
Often I choose not to examine why I react in the way I do. I just do and do again, missing the entire point.
I let people in, I shut people out.
Distraction, excuses come quickly. Regret and disappointment often close behind.
Bags, these are mine and I am comfortable dragging them around!
To be at peace always seems a distant dream.
Even my aspirations can be a trap.
I want the small child back, the laughter, the fun, the wonderment, to be amazed by each new day, each new discovery, and each new moment. The sparkle in the eye.
Above all else I want to be loved just for the me, I am.
And who am I …………………………….?
Like the first, now the answer obvious, reread slowly again. 🙂
Ars enim non salvificem mundum